Saturday, December 1


Today, I was thinking about something really interesting. Lately, in the past week or so, I've been feeling influenced on how to be a woman, from YouTube videos and friends from Christian Challenge and my younger sister. I've come to a conclusion, after thinking about all of these things, that being a woman does not mean wearing makeup, being obsessed with men, being ladylike, or even getting rid of leg hair. At the heart of the matter, being a woman isn't all about appearances, but about the heart, the inner self. And, I have heard before that you go to Christ if you want to be a true woman, that in Him you find out/are transformed.
And, honestly, I have some apprehension about that because I know that that means living for Christ, living with Him. I truly desire to live for Him, as a living sacrifice, and be with Him, but that thought scares me because it means giving up control and my will, and my comfort. I kept thinking about the long-term and how I feel now. I understand my desire for Him, and to be a woman completely in Him, but now, when I have to make a choice, my emotions--darn them--don't want this, they don't want to be uncomfortable. I feel frustrated because of my hesitation in this matter, that I think maybe Jesus isn't worth it somehow. But, I know I must make this decision. I have come to Him about this, and chosen to trust Him in this, relying on Him, which I think is a good thing. However, I still feel apprehensive.
Something that's been brought to my attention these past two weeks is that God is more powerful than my emotions and that He has more control than they do. He'll always be more powerful than them, but still, I listen to this sneaky, destructive voice whispering lies into my ear.
But, alas, God is more powerful than that voice, too! But, there's a difference between knowing something to be true and believing it to be true.
I was speaking with my friend last Saturday about Christianity in different cultures. She traveled to Scotland last summer and had gone to church there once. She told me that church in the UK isn't as emotionally-based as it is here in the States. There, the message is spoken ("There it is, that's the truth."), but here, pastors emphasize words and pace and evoke emotion.
While I think that emotion in spiritual matters is great--sometimes--I don't want to put all my eggs in Emotion's basket, of course. It's not practical. I think emotions serve a purpose, but that aren't all that rational and discerning. For example, I desire to make a choice to live in abandonment to God, but my emotions are telling me to do opposite despite the fact that I know Jesus' way is better and more meaningful and satisfying. How do I spin a 180, repent, from here?
I heard once that Jesus didn't let His emotions get the best of Him. Perhaps it's not that He had complete control over them Himself, but I heard that He gave them up to God, in order to glorify Him. Jesus wasn't a stoic guy, He expressed His emotions, but He didn't rely on them to make decisions. He relied on His Father, and was in constant communication with Him. I admire that.
So, now that my thoughts are laid on this page, I'm not quite sure what to do. I should do homework.

Father, lead me.

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