Thursday, November 7


There's a big story involved with this one. But right now, things aren't so nice. Not so nice at all. Things are really hard right now.
I feel pained. Heart pained. My friend Laura posted something on Facebook that said, "Sin ought not drive us away from Jesus, but rather towards Him. In our brokenness, we need Him most!" Amen, sister! In my weakness now, in my weakness that I've felt for the last few weeks, I have felt so needy of God, and I appreciate that. But, it's also not fun to feel weak. It feels weak to feel weak. And I don't like feeling weak. I like feeling that I can accomplish anything and be strong, but that's just not the case right now. I'm pained by a difficult relationship where the other party doesn't seem to understand anything. I'm frustrated by him, but also still feel drawn to like him, despite my frustration! I am pained. My heart burns.
But all of this has been building, despite the tearing down, in my relationship with my Master. Indeed, my Master. Through all of this, He has drawn me to Himself, breaking down my idols, breaking down my pride, breaking down everything that I have. And while that is so extremely tough to handle, God's got a plan for this, and it's a good plan. It's a plan to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me a hope and a future, to have me find Him (Jer. 29:11-14). Hallelujah.
Buts still, I could cry. One of my friends doesn't respond to my messages, and I haven't seen her since September. She has two jobs, so I think she could be busy, but I don't know--it doesn't make me feel good, or that she wants to see me. I want to hang out with her, to love who she is, not to try to change her or encourage her, but just to love her.

Holy Spirit lead me to some passages today:
-Psalm 18
-John 18:28-20:23
-Romans 1:21-25
-Romans 7:15-25
-Roman 8:35-39
-1 Corinthians 6:12
-Hebrews 4:16
-Hebrews 5:8
-Hebrews 12:1-13

Read them if you like. Pray for me, please, for endurance, patience, trust, perseverance, obedience.
Thank you.