I'm so tired and I feel like I should read so many books:

Boundaries in Dating by Cloud and Townsend
The Inner Voice of Love by Henri Nouwen
Set-Apart Femininity by Leslie Ludy
The Chronicles of Narnia:  Prince Caspian by C.S. Lewis
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling
and even Lady in Waiting by Kendall and Jones

I'm currently reading three of the six books listed above--I just started Set-Apart Femininity and am almost finished with Harry and the Pevensies.

I'm going through some changes that are shaking me up, but the Lord is faithful and He has control here, there, and everywhere. I'm nervous and frustrated and excited, but He's here. So, hallelujah, Father. Do what You do.

By the way, I found two dark, hairy caterpillars today. I thought I killed both of them when I poked them with a stick, and they curled up, so still. But, one of them started to crawl again, and even reared up on his hind legs when my camera got too close.

"Back up off me!"

Pride

So often, I try to make things right, but it really doesn't work that way. Every time, not even in reality (like, I think the situations gets better, but for me, inside, it's worse or even the situation itself is bad) I make things still unfixed, and I think that's a human thing. 'Cause Jesus said, "If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing,' and I think that He gets it.
By ourselves, we will fail and dig ourselves deeper and deeper down into a hole, so that it's impossible for us to climb out alone. But, when we're living in Jesus, we're intimately with Him so that He's inside me and I'm inside Him, so I know part of what He knows, so I know what He wants, and I can face the world with Him. So, in situations where I want to help somebody I love but am afraid of failing, trying to please them alone, or I don't know what they need, Jesus lets me know what to do, according to what He knows they need and/or what He wants for them. So, with Him, I'd be more effective and I'd be with Jesus, anyway. And, going along with that hole analogy, when I am in Jesus, I can and still fail, and I can dig myself deeper and deeper into a hole, but I have the hope and the assurance, through His love, that Jesus will save me.
...
Also, thinking about it, Jesus wants us to lay ourselves down for Him because He knows what we'd get ourselves into if we followed whatever we want, and He wants to protect us from that, and, I think, He wants us to experience what He has planned for us, because it's the best for us, going back to Jesus' amazing love. He saved us from all of our sins, the whole world, so He could make us pleasing and shiny to His Father, "meet the parents;" He loves us!
But, going back to laying the self down, that's hard, and I don't think it's meant to be easy. I think we're supposed to consider what we have and decide if we think Jesus is worth more than all that. It's a hard decision, at least for me. It requires--shall I say it?--dedication, commitment, and love [and even humility]...

--an excerpt from my duh-duh-duh-da journal

I Have Time

When I first began blogging, about seven months ago, I usually made posts because I was procrastinating from doing homework. I wanted to share details of my life. Like the friend who unloads her complete list of problems, I felt/feel like I have a lot to share when I am stressed. And, guess what? I still post things here, on this little page, when I procrastinate. But, lately, I've found myself very busy. With what? I don't know. Family life, homework, friends, مابعرف.
But, this week has been nice, let me tell you.
My small group has been reading this book, The Praying Life by Paul E. Miller, and it's super good. Miller shares that prayer is how we build a relationship with God and get to know Him better. He talks about being childlike and relying and trusting God daily, daily, daily. It's been so good for me to read this book, mainly because I tend to get self-conscious about my prayers, if they please God, and if they're good. But, this book, in one part, said that when you are having a conversation with someone, you usually focus on spending time with them, not just the words being said. So, think about how you talk with your friend, or sister, or brother, or parents, etc. When you want to enjoy their company and talk with them, you focus on the person, not just the conversation.
I appreciate what Miller has to say. It is helpful.
Good morning!

Wow, people read my blog!

I didn't know that. I found out that people from Canada, Russia, South Korea, and Latvia have read my blog, as well as folks from the United States. Wow! I didn't know that anyone besides my sister and maybe coworker read my blog. Thanks, guys!

Inadequacy

Feeling imperfect sometimes feels nice, but sometimes it feels bad. But, I am imperfect and was made to be this way. So, don't lament over it; it's fine. Seeing beautiful, successful women makes me feel insecure about myself. I wish that I could be supportive of them, and not focus on myself nearly as much as I do. Ladies with soft, smooth skin and beautiful eyes. Ladies with slim, even too slim, bodies. Ladies with fashionable, unique clothing. With lovely voices. With virtue and godliness. Is it that I am blind to myself? Who am I? Can I look beyond myself?
I heard or read somewhere that it's best to look at God, at Him, when you feel badly about yourself.
I haven't been doing that so much.
But, that when you don't focus on yourself, but on Him and His glory, you feel better. Maybe that's just a shallow way of explaining it, but I think it's true. While looking at Jesus and His righteousness, I think that my own shortcomings don't matter very much. I think that His love matters more in that moment. I think that's beautiful. So, maybe I will intentionally look to Him, although it's hard and perhaps not so fun, because it's better.  Hallelujah.

Afterwards...

I had a job interview today. When it was finished, my nerves needed some refreshing so I got a coffee milk tea with boba. I was really nervous afterwards.
^_^

Thanks for reading up on my life, even the little, odd details.