It's What A Blog Is For (Thoughts!)

Hmm. I feel like I don't really know what to write. I want to write, especially because I haven't here in about a month, roughly. Like a blankness of the mind.  Today, I read a chapter of this book, A Woman God Can Use, and reading it was really good for me, part of the Plan. The chapter was about Hannah, Samuel the judge's mother, and her story about depression. It always seems like my premenstrual self is off, unlike my normal self. But, I don't think I can attribute this funk just to my body changes, it's a part of my story for right now. I felt terrible about myself. Now, I feel a little better, but reading that book was good. A thing about Hannah is that I really first heard about her from my older sister. She told me that she thought it was cool how real Hannah seemed in the Bible because she found comfort from food. She ate double portions of meat on the days her family sacrificed in Shiloh, she stopped eating the day she felt extremely despaired, and, after praying, she ate something and felt better (all of this can be found in 1 Samuel 1). Hannah's story is told in the first two chapters of 1 Samuel. Read it. Just as I am real, just as you are real, she was real, too.  Memorial day is...tomorrow? Monday? Over the weekend, part of my family went to my great-grandparents' graves on my mom's side to lay flowers. They were fake flowers, but Nana said that grandmother would not have wanted us to spend so much money on real ones. Mmm. Going to the cemeteries reminded me of what this priest, father Ken, once said. He said that he thinks it's good to walk in cemeteries occasionally to remember how short life is. To remember that the people there were once burdened by daily stresses and had infatuations and suffered, too. To remember how we'll be like that someday, too, which is a humbling thought. It's sad, but more hopeful than anything because everyday, we come closer to being perfectly united with Jesus and remembering life on earth with Him in eternity, whether in heaven or in the New Jerusalem (or, you know, both). Recently, I mean just a few hours ago, I decided to google the entrelac  knitting method because I had knitted a swatch,  thinking I would turn that into a blanket with other entrelac swatches, and wanted to continue with it. Do you know how difficult it is to find the same instructions when you don't know the name of the website they came from or anything?! I'm not even sure if this was a pattern or, like, some sort of tutorial. It's a bit frustrating. 

Procrastination Or Something

I don't understand why it's so difficult sometimes to actually do my work. Especially when I need to use a computer with internet-access. My brain goes boop-boop-boop, "Do something fun, Gabri. This is boring. You could do this, or look up that. Don't you wonder how that works?" And, I think, "Crazy brain! You need to be quiet." Shhhh. Like a librarian.
Now, I was originally going to write for my English project which is due in a couple days:  two, to be exact. I will probably finish in time, but I'll stress myself out, I bet. Not good.
Oh, the days go by so quickly. I don't feel very good today, like not my best looking, or feeling, just sluggish. Sluggish. Sluh-ggish. What a silly word. What a silly Gabri.

That's good. I was afraid of coming online and wanting to please my oh-so-many viewers. I'm glad I don't have to worry about that. I was afraid that this would be about posting what they would want, not what I want to share or muse about, or just write for the fun of it. I can write for the fun of it. I can write that sometimes, after watching this man on YouTube (charlieissocoollike), I feel like being British, as if I could just change nationalities and my personality and mannerisms. As if I could just not be me. Then, after I thought of that, I felt sad because I did kind of not want to be me. Sometimes, I don't like me. I want to feel like I'm fun and quirky and interesting and not awkward. And, that's why I felt sad.
I've actually been watching a lot of charlieissocoollike, and I have been thinking about his videos often during my days. Also, my little sister has a crush on Charlie and his friends (Alex and Tom). All three of these young, musical, British video-makers are in a band together with another man, Edd Plant--I think his name is. My sister has been singing one of their covers today.
And, to let you--yes, YOU--know, hey, Jesus is pleased with you, even if you don't do anything. I found that out last week, or so.
Thank you, ooowhhaaaaa